19 3 / 2014

Whether you’re single, dating, or married, everyone has a workplace crush. You’re around these people for 8+ hours a day, it’s bound to happen. Now no one is saying you should act on this, I’m just saying this is happening whether you like it or not. Whether you like them or not…you like them. You like someone. Who is it? Is it the guy who sits across form you? Paul? Is it Paul? There is no Paul – that just sounds like a classic workplace name. Classic workplace Paul. Stop checking out Paul. Focus.

1. The impaired crush. This guy….sometimes so – sometimes no. Everyone knows when you’ve been drinking that people tend to become better looking. This is obviously not an issue at work, and if it is – you probably have bigger issues at work….like showing up so drunk that people start looking gorgeous. Go home, you’re drunk. Literally. A couple months ago I met a guy at work I thought was really good looking in the elevator. I was starving because my meeting had run through lunch and the cafeteria was closed. I saw him later that day after I had eaten some chips from the vending machine, and I didn’t even recognize him! It was like night and day. I could’ve sworn the guy I met earlier was taller, wearing a button down, a soft-looking sweater, etc. The guy I saw at night was disheveled wearing an ill fitting shirt and zip up hoodie. Maybe he changed, you’re wondering…no he didn’t - I checked…by outright asking him. HOW IMPAIRED AM I WHEN I’M HUNGRY!? Should I be driving under these conditions!? He tried to ask me out and frequently brought me coffee and cakepops from Starbucks to win me over…but little did he know the more well-fed he kept me, the less interested in him I was.

2. The guy that sits RIGHT THERE. I mean if you look at something long enough eventually you come around and think hey – not so bad. This is that guy. I like to binge-watch TV shows on my rare plan-free weekends and I’ve noticed that for Hulu, they run the same ads over and over again. I’ve seen the Skittles Taste the Rainbow commercials so many times that by the end of the day – all I want is a bag of Skittles. This is the work equivalent of that. One minute you’re sitting at your desk staring at the same guy you’ve stared at everyday this past week/month/year with zero interest, and the next minute you’re daydreaming about your life together…and a bag of skittles.

3. The handsome stranger. Who is this guy? Does he even work here? He could be an intruder – I didn’t see him swipe his badge…WHO CARES! HANDSOME STRANGER – PLEASE WORK HERE. Every workplace has one standout handsome guy that everyone knows is handsome. Whether he’s smart, capable, or even literate is irrelevant. He’s bringing the handsome to a picnic table filled with casseroles and potato salads. He knows he’s handsome. I know he’s handsome. The girl down the hall DEFINITELY knows he’s handsome. He’s handsome. Do I even need to explain this one? At my old job there was a handsome guy who looked like he could be on Mad Men except even more attractive than the actual cast of Mad Men (sorry Jon Hamm – you just don’t do it for me). We had giant summer bucket list poster boards up on each floor and one of the items someone wrote was to “find out who the handsome mad men looking guy is”. Eventually this turned into a manhunt on the 31st floor searching for someone who may have just been passing through that day…with all staff levels chiming in. Partners were having hushed conversations in their offices about who this guy was! The summer bucket list because an open forum with people writing questions and getting anonymous answers in the morning. Eventually HR removed the board…but the search continues.

4. The blindside. You never saw it coming. This is the work equivalent of those movies where your best friend was truly your soulmate all along…except he’s just that nice guy at work you never thought twice about. Oh that guy? We’re just friends. Then, one day he’s out sick and you realize your day is going by twice as slowly, you have no one to share lunch (or jokes) with, and no one else messages you or visits your office. Womp womp. Cue sad music playing as you sit outside eating a sandwich alone on a somewhat windy day watching the leaves falling from the trees. You throw your sandwich down and rush to his house with soup! Shit. Just. Got. Real. But, then the handsome stranger walks by and you forget all about him. Best friend…or mysterious bad boy…make the right call.

12 2 / 2014

1. It is okay to kiss someone who is engaged. Movies and television have a way of glamorizing things that would never fly in real life. On The Office, Jim pines after Pam for years and eventually kisses her despite the fact she’s engaged to Roy…and it was about damn time. I don’t know anyone who watched that scene and thought –“Oh no, what about Roy?” or “Oh no, are Roy and Pam not happening anymore? What about that one time he bribed the Sting and the Police cover band at Phyllis’ wedding to play their song even though it was by Jewel? That’s 20 dollars he’ll never get back!” Ok that part was cute. But come on – Jim and Pam (affectionately referred to as Jam) needed to happen. What about Noah and Allie in The Notebook? Allie was engaged….to a really nice handsome guy! But sorry Lon, you aren’t Noah and you never will be. But if this happened in real life, my first thought would not be go for it….it would be whoa. They’re engaged. I should probably let this go.
2. Cheating is inevitable in high school. Two of my favorite shows growing up were Sabrina the Teenage Witch and Boy Meets World and the best seasons were definitely the ones during their high school years. I loved Sabrina and Harvey especially when she had to take the test of true love and it involved a cheesy game show, resisting a shirtless guy offering cake by the pool, walking a dangerous rickety bridge over hot lava, and then having to kiss frog-Harvey. What I did not love was when Harvey caught Sabrina kissing Josh after going to check on her thinking she was home sick! Then there was the heartbreak that ensued when Corey and Topanga went on that ski vacation in high school (is this a thing?) and Corey hurt his leg and had to stay behind at the lodge while his friends went skiing. He met an employee at the lodge named Lauren, they talked all night, ended up kissing, and Topanga had to find out through a letter she found from Lauren? Boy Meets World? More like Boy meets Hussy. Sabrina the Teenage Witch…more like Sabrina the Teenage Hussy.
3. Killers are surprisingly easy to love. My favorite killer? Finnick Odair from the Hunger Games. He started killing at the young age of 14 when he became the youngest tribute to ever win the Hunger Games. But who cares – he looked damn good in that fishnet waist wrap thing eating sugar cubes. Nowadays so many movies and TV shows feature brooding vampires and they are super easy to fall in love with despite being unbelievably dangerous with murderous pasts. Edward may be a reformed vampire but he’s done some bad stuff in his time - and he made it blatantly clear when he tells Bella he’s dangerous…and a killer. Oh and a monster. Can’t forget that part! And yet, Bella, myself, and millions of others fell in love. Same with Stefan and Damon on the Vampire Diaries. They’re so lovable, Elena loves them both. They’re so lovable, I love them both. I think my friend Justine might be immune to Stefan’s brooding do-gooder attitude because she’s been Team Damon since Day 1, but mathematically it evens out. She loves Damon twice as much as me….and Damon is twice the killer than Stefan is. The math is there people.
4. Guys go for crazy girls. You have to be a mess. Full on damaged goods. You, the busted can of biscuits that have fallen on the grocery store floor going for 90% off in the manager special clearance rack….are everything that that dreamboat has ever wanted. In How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days Andie Anderson is literally doing everything humanly possible to drive this guy away in as little time as possible…and yet – they live happily ever after. Sure he also had ulterior motives for sticking with her crazy, and there’s a positive correlation between the amount of crazy tolerated, and the easiness of your face on their eyes, but a 10 day turnaround for love? Come on. Katniss from The Hunger Games, who is so wrought with emotional turmoil and has proclaimed repeatedly she is in no mindset to love, has two amazing guys head over heels in love with her. Gale’s amazing cause of his looks, and Peeta is obviously amazing for everything else…with a dash of handsome thrown in there. The aforementioned murderer Finnick Odair, who could have anyone (except maybe Katniss – but she doesn’t need any more attention), is in love with Annie Cresta who is known as the girl who has gone mad from her Hunger Games. That’s it – starting tomorrow I’m going to be way less put together. Goodbye coherent sentences and common sense. Hello new murderous maybe-vampire boyfriend.

22 1 / 2014

1. Professionalskepticism.tumblr.com. My friend Charman and I were discussing professional skepticism (an important motto at the public accounting firm I worked at) during dim sum one weekend and came up with the idea for a blog dedicated to us being professionally skeptical of random things. Oh there’s four shumai in this serving? Why is that? Where is the support? Can I tie out this amount to something else? Please advise. In auditing, to tie out something (like a 10K) means to agree/match the numbers to corresponding support so you know where all the amounts come from, and that they’re consistent and make sense. Thanks to Sarah & Ann for kindly reminding me that I talk like an accountant…and sound like a major nerd. Essentially this professionally skeptical blog would consist of photos of me and Charman giving inquisitive looks at random things (like the aforementioned shumai). However, upon practicing our professional skepticism looks we realized they resembled the McKayla Maroney is not impressed look and we were not looking to get sued.
2. Howshortisjoshhutcherson.tumblr.com. This one is pretty straight forward. How short is Josh Hutcherson? Well he’s shorter than Taylor Swift. Insert photo. How short is Josh Hutcherson? Well he’s shorter than this floor lamp from Ikea. Insert photo. How short is Josh Hutcherson? Well he’s shorter than this Douglas Fir Christmas tree. Insert photo. How short is Josh Hutcherson? Well he’s shorter than me….and that’s all that matters, isn’t it? Insert photo…and sad face – because I absolutely love Josh Hutcherson. Well I love Josh Hutcherson mostly because he’s Peeta Mellark, but nonetheless I still love Josh Hutcherson, and the blog Howshortispeetamallark.tumblr.com would be identical…except I don’t think they have floor lamps, Christmas trees, or Taylor Swift in the Hunger Games. How short is Peeta Mellark? Well he’s shorter than that tree. And that tree. And that tree. He’s shorter than all the trees. Everyone in the Hunger Games is shorter than all the trees. Well that was a short-lived blog.
3. Whereintheworldismyirishhamburglar.tumblr.com. A couple years ago when I was in Belfast, Ireland drunkenly stumbling out of a club at close, all I wanted was a hamburger. Lucky for me, there just happened to be a random food truck parked outside selling hamburgers but 30-40 people were already crowded around, and there was no semblance of a line or orderly ordering process. People were just shouting loudly and throwing hamburgers and money all over the place. Unsure where my friends were, I just stood there on the curb looking fairly sad and pitiful when the nicest Irish guy came up to me and asked what was wrong. I explained that all I wanted was a hamburger and then gestured towards the chaos of the food truck. He told me to hold on and quickly disappeared into the crowd reappearing a couple minutes later with a water bottle, and a hamburger. I’m not sure if it was the circumstances (I’m drunk and I need food) or if hamburgers are a secret underrated Irish specialty, but this was the best hamburger I’ve ever had in my life. This guy, potentially my soulmate, he got me. He got me, and he got me a hamburger…and not a drunken night goes by that I don’t wish someone would hand me a hamburger and a water bottle as I stumble out of the bar. Where in the world are you, my handsome Irish Hamburglar? Last spotted outside an unknown Irish club by a food truck with the word hamburgers on it…that’s enough details to find him, right social media?
4. Winnieandgailhaveafoodbaby.tumblr.com. A food blog where my friend Gail and I try to eat every dish on the Houston Press’ Top 100 Dishes List…and then document the fun times we had doing so. 80% fun times, 20% actual food related comments. Oh wait, this is a real blog…and we really are eating our way through Houston Press’ Top 100 Dishes List. Enjoy! Here’s the link again: Winnieandgailhaveafoodbaby.tumblr.com

09 1 / 2014

With engagement season coming to a close, and many of my Facebook friends popping up engaged, what better time than now (as a single 26 year old girl with zero current prospects) to start calling dibs on things? Sorry other people, should’ve thought of it first. Patent pending. Also, I’m fully aware none of these things can be patented….but copyright pending doesn’t sound as cool. And isn’t all that relevant either. Fair warning – I’m going to yell BAM a lot. A lot is going to happen, and it is going to happen very fast.

1. We open the reception with Chinese Dragons. It’ll be the ultimate blindside for people who know just how un-Asian I am, and for those of you who don’t – I’ve conveniently written a blog post about it already. You’re just sitting there at the reception, when all of a sudden the lights dim. What’s that sound? It’s drums. Whoa, were those paper lanterns there two seconds ago? I have no idea! Then BAM out of nowhere (and by nowhere I mean the grand entrance where everyone’s attention is directed,) A CHINESE DRAGON! Then another! And another! AND ANOTHER! It’s going to look like the scene from the end of Mulan…except we’re not under surprise attack by the Huns. Also in case it wasn’t clear…me, my husband, and the wedding party, are the ones underneath the dragons. I repeat – not the Huns. 

2. Then after dinner (which will not be a Bacon Bar and/or Buffet cause my friend Gail already called dibs on that), a toast from the groom. I’m not sure which term (groom, or husband) makes me sound less weird and creepy writing this post, so I’ll use it interchangeably. Now this isn’t just any toast. This toast will center on the most spectacular moment of my life…so far. And of course I’ll act surprised…even though I’m clearly outlining the entire thing here. “Anyone who knows Winnie knows the best night of her life was when she was serenaded by 98 degrees onstage. Well I want to top that night, since you know it’s our wedding. Now, I know I’m no Nick Lachey, but here goes nothing.” BAM! Cue the entrance of his groomsmen, who serenade me with My Everything as I sit on a chair in the middle of the dance floor just like at the concert…sans the other three random girls. Sorry bridesmaids, you’re sitting this one out. Then, after the first verse, he cuts the music off and says “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, this just isn’t as good. I think maybe we should leave this to the professionals” then BAM! 98 Degrees shows up…underneath BAM! ANOTHER CHINESE DRAGON. That was probably too much, they can just enter normally.

3. Alright time to slow things down a bit. After 98 Degrees is done giving their heartfelt toasts, (thanks guys!), we begin our first dance. The first official dance that is, since there’s already been a Chinese Dragon Dance entrance, and a 98 degrees serenade (with a few dance moves sprinkled in here and there). My first dance song choice? Forever, by Jesse and the Rippers. Now whether it’s the original version with candles and a shirtless Uncle Jesse, or the weird hip hop version where he’s dressed as a genie, I’ll let you decide (links provided below). Sure, I love the classiness of the first song…but I also want to yell “Do the Jess Man!” and incorporate that into our first dance as well. Decisions, decisions.

classy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ti8-vEM3U8

sassy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BuCz8JeMhuQ

4. Man, what a crazy wedding you just attended! Well time to call it a night I guess. OH WAIT – THERE’S PARTY FAVORS. Surprise – it’s kittens. You get a kitten, and you get a kitten, and you get a kitten! Can’t take yours home with you? Too bad – I’ve already left the wedding via hot air balloon.

02 1 / 2014

1. Stop procrastinating. You can probably tell from reading my posts that despite being 4 short paragraphs, some entries are started one week and finished another. My tips on traveling was started on a flight to Spain and finished well after my arrival back in Houston. The truth of the matter is – I started this post in 2012…the week before New Year’s Eve and all I wrote down was “Stop Procrastinating” and here we are – the first week of 2014 and I’m finally writing the rest. Guess that resolution didn’t really work out last year. Then again, there’s no guarantee it will even work out this year. Maybe you’ll be reading this in 2015 and really shaking your head at my horrible procrastination. I even tried to justify posting this for Chinese New Year last year to buy myself an extra month…but obviously missed that deadline as well. In my defense, busy season took over my January-May and I was lucky to get anything written in that time. This year – I have a new job, a renewed determination, and no more excuses.

2. Figure out the phrase “I’m all out of can’ts to give”. I love saying “I can’t. I just can’t.” Cause honestly most of the time I can’t. I just can’t. But then I heard the phrase “I’m all out of can’ts to give” and it really escalated the “can’t” situation. I mean it seems pretty simple at first. I can’t deal with this…I just can’t. I am all out of can’ts to give. But does that even make sense? If I’m out of can’ts to give doesn’t that mean all I have left are cans? No more can’ts here! That makes it sound like I’ve given out so many can’ts that all that’s left is positivity and cans. I’ve negativity-ed myself right into a positive can do attitude. Now that by no means is what I want to mean when I say I am all out of can’ts to give. I want it to mean like a super duper I can’t. LIKE I JUST CAN’T. I CANNOT. Is this paragraph even making sense? I don’t know. I can’t. I just can’t.

3. More nights I can barely remember & more nights I could never forget. I’m not really sure how to describe the nights I’m referring to and I doubt anything I write could even capture all the crazy nights I’ve had, so I will just leave you with the following overview and let your imagination run wild from there. Watching Greg sing Bound 2 to a Justin Bieber cutout. Telling my friend’s roommate “The Bear” that he was a gorgeous man, and then yelling at him not to look at me while simultaneously patting him on the head, asking him what soap he uses, and offering a 98 Degrees-esque neck massage. (Sorry again about that John). Backstreet Boys AND Luke Bryan - twice in one year. Waking up with a Fast and Furious 6 keychain, and a picture with Santa not knowing where either came from. Accidentally/unknowingly attending two different raves in one night. Working 37 hours straight and deliriously falling asleep in my chair with my mouth open as my coworker passed out on the floor in a parka. Watching A Madea Christmas with Sarah and wishing we were live tweeting the entire movie (particularly the scene change animation and Chad Michael Murray’s southern accent). Watching Snoopy the musical, then going out for a “chill night” which ended up with me drunkenly singing “the sun will come uppppppppp – tomorrow! Bet your bottom dollar thaaaaaaaat tomorroooooooow…there’ll be sunnnnnn” while stumbling around midtown. Aaaaand any and all nights that involve being in a foreign country or eating at Whataburger.

4. Let go of my biggest regret of 2013: not going to the One Direction concert. I have the DVD…and tickets to their concert next year. It’s time to move on. 

31 12 / 2013

As I get ready to go out and celebrate the last day of 2013, I’ve realized that this has been a pretty damn good year. When I turned 25 last year Anthropologie sent me a birthday discount on a postcard that read Best Year Yet… and boy were they right.

1.The moment I realized my 25th birthday wish was coming true. Last birthday, I wished that 98 Degrees would get back together, go on tour, and pull me onstage to serenade me with “My Everything”. I was already uncontrollably excited when 98 Degrees announced they were getting back together and going on tour with New Kids on the Block, and Boyz II Men, but never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I’d be picked. Anytime I saw a girl get pulled on stage at a concert I assumed they were preselected somehow by a creepy manager figure trolling the crowds. Let me assure you…this was not the case. To avoid wasting your New Year’s Eve reading a play by play of my on stage serenade (which could easily take up all four spots of this list), I’ll save the full story for another post.

2.The moment I realized I might not hate mayonnaise. I’m not sure where this hatred stemmed from, but I’m 99% sure it’s because the smell. When I was 12 I read in a magazine that if you put mayo in your hair and let it sit for half an hour, then rinse, it’ll make your hair super soft. Believing everything I read in Teen People, Seventeen, and Tiger Beat, I immediately decided to try it out. I don’t remember my hair being that much softer than usual, but I do remember this engraining my lifelong hatred of mayo. Little did I know – I had secretly been eating mayo all along. Mini turkey sandwiches from Central Market? Mayo. Vietnamese Banh Mi? Mayo. My beloved lobster rolls from Mainely Sandwiches? Mayo. Shrimp with Mayonnaise Sauce? Mayo. Not sure how that last one slipped by me for so long…but here’s to trying new things in 2014! Not you Chicken Salad, I still hate the idea of you. Mayo and celery. Please.

3. The moment my blog hit 100 likes…and then some. I currently have 115 likes: 99 are my friends, and 16 are complete strangers that somehow find me funny enough to throw a like my way. Even though that doesn’t seem like a lot when pictures of kittens and ecards are reaping in millions, it makes me incredibly proud and downright giddy since a year and a half ago my blog existed solely as a slew of incoherent rambling texts to my friends. Now I’m not sure how to say this next part without sounding like an egotistical jerk…but I get super excited every time someone tells me how much they love my blog or how funny the posts are…especially when it’s someone I had no idea was reading my blog or would even want to read my blog. Back in September, Sarah, a girl I knew in high school, messaged me about how much she and Ann (another girl from our high school) enjoyed reading my blog at work and then invited me to her birthday party. Needless to say, being invited to a party by two of the cool girls from high school felt like a pretty big deal….and we’ve been friends ever since! Of course still referring to them as the cool girls when we’re all 25-26 now, may count against me - so I should enjoy this while I can. Winnie – you have arrived. Oh now that I’m a big deal – I refer to myself in third person. I mean…Winnie refers to herself in the third person.

4. The moment I realized I might not be an introvert anymore. Over the summer during my A3 training at work we each had mini discussions at the end with the instructor to discuss our performance. During my session the instructor noted that I was fairly quiet when it came to answering questions and he had a good idea why. Feeling like I was about to get called out for not knowing what was going on (ever), I was relieved to hear that the instructor thought this was because I was an introvert and even confided in me that he was a bit of an introvert himself. The idea made me laugh because this had nothing to do with why I wasn’t speaking up, but I let the discussion run its course and vowed to him I’d work on my communication skills. He may have also implied that my culture/upbringing probably elicited a quieter, more conservative, demeanor not realizing that I was born and raised in Houston by a fairly liberal mother. As I was retelling this story to my table group it hit me…I am discussing something with a group of relative strangers, but my heart isn’t racing and my voice isn’t shaking…and I’m actually talking…aloud. It was at this point I realized my introverted days might be behind me. Either that or during one of the countless times I was dancing and yelling shots shots shots in a bar with my coworkers. 

16 12 / 2013

This past weekend I had the lovely honor of being a bridesmaid in my good friend Vanessa’s wedding and as expected, many life lessons ensued.

1. The best way to get people to dance is to dance furiously at them. They’ll either give in and join you on the dance floor so you’ll stop, or they’ll slowly back away from you…which in my book still counts as dancing in a slow-mo moonwalk kind of way. If someone seems like they’re on the fence about dancing, a good way to close the deal is to throw both hands in the air and yell, “For <insert bride’s name>!!!” and then turn up your dance moves about 250%. Also if any of the non-dancing onlookers are giving you judging looks, just yell, “For <insert bride’s name>!!!” and then they’ll just look like the inconsiderate ones for not doing more. That’ll show them. Look how much I love Vanessa – I’m dancing like a maniac out here! I AM FLAILING MY ARMS, IN THE MIDDLE OF A CIRCLE OF GUESTS, TO CALL ME MAYBE…FOR VANESSA. 

2. Be prepared to have all your worst moments captured by the photographers. At the first wedding I ever went to I caught the bouquet, but went into a panic, decided to drop it, and cover my face expecting a full on catfight similar to what I had seen in every chick flick ever. Unfortunately being 5’8 (and wearing heels) surrounded by much shorter girls, the cameramen caught this moment of fear on tape and it was immortalized in my friend’s wedding video. I went to a wedding last summer and was trying to take a photo of the bride as she exited the church. Unfortunately my phone froze up and as I was trying to fix it, the “unimpressed frown” on my face was captured on film, and looks like I’m frowning at her as she exited the church. At Vanessa’s wedding I managed to get through the ceremony without any awkward candids, but as I was showing the other bridesmaids my signature shopping cart dance, (the one where you put a can back every once in awhile so people know you’re not the kind of girl who takes every can off the shelf,) the photographer comes out of nowhere and snaps a bunch of photos of me frowning at an imaginary can. Frowning at an imaginary can – Winnie at her finest.

3. If you’re in a Catholic wedding…learn the proper terms. During the rehearsal, one of the bridesmaids told me to bow towards the altar candles after walking to my pew, but the day of the wedding the coordinator instructed us to bow towards the altar at the end of the aisle before walking to our pew. I asked another bridesmaid if I still needed to bow towards that thing (forgetting what the altar candles were called) and one of the groomsmen behind me yelled out “WHAAAAAAT? THAT THING?” with an exasperated disbelieving laugh as the church doors opened and we proceeded to walk in. It wasn’t my best first impression and I never got the chance to make a second. Honestly I’m still not sure I’m explaining the altar confusion correctly…so sorry again. 

4. Get to know the basics about the bride so people don’t wonder what you’re doing in the bridal party. A good start would be how many siblings she has, and what their names/ages are. Vanessa has two sisters – Alexandra and Dominika. Alexandra goes by Sashi, but I thought Alexandra, Sashi, and Dominikia were three different sisters, so when I met Alexandra at the bridesmaid fitting, I asked where Sashi and Dominika were. Since everyone else seemed to have a good handle on Vanessa’s family tree, much laughter ensued. Trying to smooth over my error, I quickly asked where Dominika was…only to be informed she was still in France where she’d been studying all semester (clearly common knowledge within the group). I probably should’ve stopped there but then I asked what the third sister’s name was. There is no “third sister”. I do feel slightly better knowing that even Sashi’s boyfriend thought Sashi and Alexandra were two different people when he first met her. After a few months passed, I managed to somewhat prove that I did actually know Vanessa and wasn’t just some stranger who wondered into the wedding party. However, all my progress was lost at the rehearsal when I saw Vanessa standing with two 6’4 guys and asked if they were Casey’s groomsmen. “Ummm no, those are her brothers.” “Oh they looked so young in Vanessa’s old profile pic!” “Yah that photo is from 6 years ago…when they were 10”. Oh…so they’re probably not still 10.

21 11 / 2013

Hunger Games Catching Fire comes out at midnight today and a lot of my friends have been waiting in line for good seats excitedly posting their evenings to Instagram and Facebook. Although receiving plenty of offers to attend the midnight showing, in the end I made the decision to sit this one out…and here’s why:

1. I’m currently already in bed and it is 9PM on a Thursday. If you had asked me 3-4 years ago what I was doing at 9PM on a Thursday – I would’ve told you that I was either getting ready to go out, or getting ready to head to my friends’ dorm to get ready to go out. Yes there was a process in getting ready TO get ready to go out when I was 22. I get tired very early nowadays – I might fall asleep before I even finish this post. Maybe you won’t read this until Hunger Games Catching Fire comes out on DVD. I’m not sure how I ever made it to a 3AM showing of Watchmen or why I was even at a 3AM showing of Watchmen to begin with. If the midnight showing was sold out then I probably could’ve just waited until Saturday morning to catch the matinee…but seriously, why was I at this movie?

2. I’m tired of people assuming I was dressed as Cho Chang. I’ve gone to the midnight showing of every Harry Potter except for the first one because I was in 8th grade and way too young for midnight showings. I was also pretty lame in middle school. Showing up in khaki pants my first day of 6th grade with glasses and a ponytail probably didn’t help matters so to be completely honest I’m not even sure I knew what a midnight showing was back then. Out past 6PM? Too crazy! Every time I’ve gone to a midnight showing since the Goblet of Fire came out, someone has asked me if I was dressed up as Cho Chang. I’m sorry random stranger, what about my outfit consisting of jeans and a t-shirt would make you think that I was dressed as Cho Chang? Oh, just the fact that I’m Asian and at the movies? I guess that’s enough to draw that conclusion. Carry on, guy dressed as Hedwig in a full size owl costume.

3. It’s too loud – and I feel extra old being the only one in the audience addressing how loud it is. I’ve been to every midnight showing of the Twilight movies and each time half the movie is drowned out by applause and yelling every time Edward, Jacob, Carlisle, Emmet, Mike, Jasper, and any other male character entered the shot. Even Charlie Swan – Bella’s dad! Cool it people! So pretty much every scene began with applause and cheers making it impossible to hear all the sparkling dialogue I was clearly there for….

4. The crowd is intense. Too intense. People get intense about line placement, seat selection, and getting there early. I’ve seen people line up for showings as early as 4 in the afternoon and as “late” as 9 (only three hours before the showing? Hardly enough time! Amateurs). Also, no sudden movements when you’re in line as almost anything can be mistaken for trying to cut. Oh you see your friend(s) in line too? You better arrange to say hello in a neutral area but be warned, you may also risk losing your spot in line. So how much is that hello worth to you? Is it worth being verbally berated by pre-teens or being doomed to a front row seat forcing you to crane your neck for 2 hours just to glimpse the glory of Edward Cullen? Probably not – everyone for themselves at these showings.

So as my friends excitedly prepare to watch Catching Fire tonight – I’m just impressed I stayed up long enough to finish this post.

30 10 / 2013

Costume choice is always a very important aspect of Halloween and so many things could go wrong. My boyfriend in college decided to dress up as Mowgli from the Jungle Book and wanted to stay true to the character by refusing to wear shorts under the one yard of fabric he bought for his costume. After an hour long debacle I finally convinced him to wear shorts underneath and thank goodness I did because once we stepped outside of the dorms a strong gust of wind immediately unraveled his costume leaving him with just the shorts he fought so hard against. Here’s the four step process that led me to my costume this year.

1. Katy Perry. Looking at the generic online costume websites, I usually steer towards costumes that are cute and creative. Well as creative as a store bought costume can be. There were a bunch of cute Katy Perry-esque costumes this year featuring rainbow colored dresses adorned with cupcakes, candy, and a matching blue wig. I immediately thought wow how fun! However, looking at the length of all these costumes, and assuming these girls were not 5’8, this was immediately written off. Making a homemade version would be much too difficult and given the amount of fluff and tulle on the storebought versions, I’d be lucky if it covered my waist. Next.

2. Cat. The past few years I’ve thrown a Halloween Costume Karaoke party to celebrate my birthday in an attempt to mix up the usual dinner and drinks formula. Selena Gomez’s Love You Like A Love Song music video came on TV one morning as I was trying to wake up for work, and I thought wow – costumes and karaoke how fun - and a tradition was born. Unable to find a costume online that I really liked, I considered wearing a simple black dress with cat ears thinking I’d look like the classiest effin’ cat ever. However, my creative side was still hoping for a last minute idea (even though it was only September at this point of desperation).

3. Kitty Purry. WHAT IF I WAS A CAT AAAAAND KATY PERRY!? HOW FUN WOULD THAT BE!? I could wear the blue Katy Perry wig, have a bit more flexibility with my outfit choice – still bright and colorful, but possibly easier to make than the full on Katy Perry ensemble, then I could put on cat ears over my blue wig. I was really feeling this blue wig…especially when I found the version with a heart on top. Then I’d have one of those clever play on words costumes that always impress people at parties! Let’s face it I just wanted to be a rainbow cat. Wait. Rainbow cat….

4. NYAN CAT! Nyan cat is a Youtube video of this poptart looking cat with rainbows streaming through space that goes on for hours and hours. I’m not sure what the origin of this is, nor do I care to research it at this point in time, but I love this cat. My friend Jennifer wanted to throw a Youtube party this summer and Nyan cat had come up as a costume idea. Her party theme was eventually changed to Disney, and the idea of Nyan cat was shelved. However, once I remembered this brilliant idea – my mind was made up. My friend Allison helped me make my costume out of fleece, felt, and cardboard, and I absolutely loved the finished creation (with the exception of the four drinks my tail knocked over at my party).

Nyan Cat: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZZ7oFKsKzY

Overall, Nyan Cat was a success. A few  of my friends dressed up as Bread Cat, Business Cat, Grumpy Cat, and Keyboard Cat and thus a group costume was born. Maybe if I had felt more ambitious I would’ve dressed up as “Cat Dressed as Shark Riding A Roomba Chasing/Being Chased by Dog Dressed as A Hammerhead and Random Duck”, but I would not want to compromise the integrity of the costume in any way, and I’m not sure where to get a giant Roomba. Catch up, technology. Catch up.

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04 10 / 2013

So today I’m breaking my typical blog form because of a funny Buzzfeed post I stumbled across (and had sent to me about 10 times since it was published).  It was uncannily accurate in listing things single people are tired of hearing (I’ve heard six this week alone). As a result, I’ve become fairly adept at answering these quips without sounding pitifully lonely and I’m hoping you’ll forgive me for breaking my usual lists of four, for this list of twenty four. Don’t worry – it’s still probably a shorter read than my usual anecdotes and you’ll be back to work in no time! Or not – your choice.

1. “How are you still single? You’re so great.” Ummm there have been murmurings that I’m about 58% more fun when I’m single…

2. It’ll happen when you least expect it.” I always expect the unexpected because I live my life by cliches, but if it’ll happen when it’s unexpected and I’m always expecting the unexpected, am I always expecting it and therefore it may never happen? Are you confused enough to stop asking about my personal life? Good.

3. "Don’t you ever get lonely?" That’s what cats are for =^._.^=

4. "Aren’t you worried you won’t be able to have kids?" I don’t care for kids…see the following blog post for more details: http://winnie-isms.tumblr.com/post/27568585159/4-reasons-id-be-the-worst-housewife-ever

5. "Are you seeing anyone?" Thanks for asking! My vision is fine - I can see you and everyone else crystal clear!

6. "You should try online dating. My friend met their husband/wife that way." It took me an hour to figure out how to tweet someone…the last thing I need is more internet/technology.

7. "They don’t deserve you." You better mean this in a “you’re too nice for them way” and not in a “no one deserves to be slapped on a daily basis” way…cause I’m definitely the type to dish out daily slaps. SLAP!

8. "You are such a catch." You told me there were plenty of fish in the sea last week…so this seems to contradict me being some kind of special fish to someone.

9. "Don’t worry, you’ll find someone someday." I wasn’t worried until you uttered the phrase “Don’t worry” - I’m pretty much in full panic mode now.

10. "He’s just not ready for a serious commitment yet." That’s fine, I’ve been waiting for the right moment to break out my choreographed Single Ladies dance and this definitely feels right.

11. "One day when you’re married, you’ll wish you were single." Will I? Because someone licked my ear at a bar once and from that moment on I kind of wrote off the single life…

12. "There are plenty of fish in the sea." I’m not a hussy I just need one fish.

13. "You’re just too picky." Is it too much to ask to meet a nice funny tall skinny white guy who wears glasses? He should probably own a castle too though…and have an accent of some sort. I’m not sure if this needs to be said or not…but literate. Has to be literate.

14. "Just don’t turn into some crazy cat lady." That ship has sailed and I am on it with about 12 cats. They’re all named mittens…or something that rhymes with kittens. So pretty much they’re all named mittens.

15. "She probably just lost your number." Isn’t exchanging numbers a two way street? If I’m that worried about it, I’ll call them. #bold

16. At a wedding: “You better get out there, they’re doing the bouquet toss.” The bouquet toss is my least favorite part of the wedding. In one of my friend’s wedding videos you see me catch it, drop it, then cower in fear. (I’ve seen Bride Wars - people get crazy trying to catch that bouquet). So no, I will not be “getting out there”. I will be staying right here keeping my drink company.

17. "You’re just too busy right now." You’re right - brunch doesn’t eat itself.

18. "You have to love yourself before you can love someone else." My credit card statement and closet filled with dresses from Anthropologie seems to think I love myself plenty.

19. In reference to your best friend: “Have you guys ever thought of dating?” No - it’s just lunch! (Kudos to you if you get this one)

20. "I can’t wait to meet your future spouse, they are going to be amazing." That’s a weird thing to say. If I said to you I can’t wait to meet my future spouse you might think I’m weird so just imagine how weird it is for me that you’re so excited. Stop trying to steal my future spouse!

21. "We’ll all be laughing about this someday." That’s not saying much - if you know me then you know I will laugh at anything and everything.

22. "You should let me set you up, I know the perfect person for you." Oh, you’re friends with Ryan Gosling? Great - why don’t you set that up ASAP.

23. "Don’t give up, it’ll happen." If Justin Bieber has taught me anything, it’s “Never Say Never”. What’s that? It’s not a good idea to bring up Bieber teaching me life lessons on a first date? Got it….

24. "You don’t need anyone." This reminds me of a Christmas card from Urban Outfitters I saw a couple years ago with a drunken Santa passed out on the floor with the phrase “Santa doesn’t need you. Santa doesn’t need anyone!” I guess I’m Drunk Santa in this scenario

Original Buzzfeed Post Here: http://www.buzzfeed.com/ashleyperez/24-things-single-people-are-tired-of-hearing